This is a very traditional photo of the Chans, a photograph of 3 generations. My Grandpa Chan Kee Seng is photographed with his second born male, my Dad, John Chan Hiu Fei. Dad was substituting for my oldest Uncle in China who was banished to Manchuria. Charles is the first born male/grand son.
When I hear, "I have to go away", my Grandpa left China to Sarawak. Dad went to England, and Charles went to New Zealand and Australia.
http://youtu.be/Q29YR5-t3gg
A happy Father's day to everyone.
"Father And Son"
Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.
Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.
Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
http://youtu.be/JCQVnSOFqfM
Every now and then, on the first Saturday morning of the month, I do a "hideaway". I go the the Pt Chevalier Community Centre, where some Sands parents meet and share with each other things which may not be free for them to share outside.
I go for a little me time, a little me and Andrew time, and mainly for me as an Oldie to share my painful experience to tell the newbies that it is OK to cry.
Every time I go, there is a new mum who has just joined this "sad club". We didn't choose to join this club. We are the bereaved parents club. What some one shares may resonate in use, it applies to us too.
Some people tell me to move on. They have no idea what they are talking about and how much it hurts the bereaved parents when they say," Get over it."
Here is a poem from my book, I edited it.
Empty arms.
The hole in the heart,
is bigger than a well.
The hole never mends.
Instead a stack is continually stabbing.
Blood never cease to ooze.
A puzzle piece is missing.
Life is never the same again.
Only a fellow mum who has lost her babe,
Will understand your pain.
She will not ask you to stop crying.
For she wears the same pair of shoes.
For she feels the pinching at the toes.
Open your heart to her.
Together you journey.
Until you meet your angels again.
A pair of shoes has been seen as symbolizing Van Gogh’s difficult passage through life. As I write, I think I become more creative. I write for my readers, and most of all, I write for myself.
This is an excerpt of my poem chapter of my "Diary of a bereaved mother, Goodbye my baby" book.
I am a Sands mum for 23 years, and I am a counsellor and advocate.
All Sands people are volunteers. I have photographed Tania and Hillary.
Non-Profit Organization
Sands Auckland Central is a parent-run group supporting families, throughout the Auckland region (mainly North Shore, Central Auckland and Waitakere), who have experienced the death of a baby - at any age or gestation, and in any circumstance.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sands-Auckland-Central/112396652171998?sk=info
