Monday, December 8, 2008

How to keep a pet pig.

How to keep a pet pig.

The best pig to keep as a pet is a Royal Dandie Miniature Pig. The Dandy is the smallest pet pigs in the world today. It is less than half the size of its ancestor, the pot belly pig. and makes a very good pet because of its size.

Do your homework before you to go out to buy a little piglet. If you are a child, ask for permission from your parents. If you are a grown up, make sure your partner, spouse or flat mate agree. Otherwise blood will be drawn, and it will not be the pig’s, but yours.

Now you get the okay to get the pig from the relevant authorities in your house, you need resource consent from your neighbors. Leave flyers in your neighbors’ letter boxes to announce your intention to keep an exotic pig as a pet. You may encounter a lot of protests ranging from people threatening to barbecue your pet on a spit to people wanting to make your expensive pet a meal for their pet rottweiler. Assure that your pet will not be an oinker or a stinker.

Hopefully you get the green light to keep the pig, check to make sure your house is pig proved and you have a big fenced in garden with a patch big enough for your pig to wallow in the mud. Just soften the corner by running your tap for a couple of hours. Have the tap near by so you can give your pet and yourself a shower after he has wallowed in the mud.

In the house, don’t have a table cloth for your coffee table. Curiosity kills the cat applies to curiosity kills the pig. Never, ever leave cups of steaming hot coffee or tea on the coffee table. You might get a scorching third degree burnt pig.

Don’t forget to child-lock your fridge, your pantry and your cupboard. If you don’t, your inquisitive pig will nose for food. Train your children and your partner to be hard of heart when your pig beg for food. Use a fly swat if he becomes too aggressive towards your children. make sure you just give a gentle tap. Otherwise the SPCA will accuse you of pig abuse and take your pig away.

Now you have pig proved your house, pig trained members of your family, you can buy your pig. You can buy your Napoleon online. Make sure it is a brand new pig, not some rejects from previous pet owners. Such pigs are traumatized by mishandling of their previous owner and will make terrible pets.

The big day has arrived, Napoleon comes to the house. Open the bottle of champagne, pour it into glass flutes and toast to the little porker. Offer Napoleon a saucer of milk while you indulge in your sparkling champagne. Throw a welcoming party for him to make him feel important and loved. You don't have to buy special food for your pig, he eats everything you eat.

Let Napoleon wander round the house. Make sure you have signs “Out of bound” at his eye level at places you don’t want him to poke his nose into. Many pet owners are quite happy to share their beds with their pet pigs. It is rumored that George Cloney’s pig sleeps with him.

Finally, introduce him to your mud patch. Napoleon will love you for that and kiss you affectionately. You see, rooting is innate to a pig. He will sink his nose into the mud. If you are lucky, he will find some truffles for you. To make it even more “Funner”, go ahead and join him in the mud. Roll in the squishy mud, try to grab hold of him, laugh out loud. You will bond faster.

Ignore your neighbors “Tsk! Tsk!” saying you have gone bonkers. This is the most fun day you ever had.

Hose off the mud from Napoleon and yourself, and if your nosy-parker, busy body neighbors are still lurking at the fence, hose them as well. Print a photo of him on your T shirt and wear it every where. Napoleon will be the most famous pig in the neighborhood.

Have a good laugh, this is meant to be humorous. My parents kept pigs, but they were not pets. We had them for the table. I was responsible for feeding them. They were confined in the sty.

Thanks for a very amusing 'how to'. I don't think I'll be getting a pig for a pet, but I still enjoyed your humourous discourse!

Pet pigs are getting quite popular. I swoon at Wilbur in "Charlotte's web."

My niece had a big pet pig. He became too agressive towards the horses. Sadly, one day, one of the horses got tired of him and kicked him and that was the end of the story.

Pigs are cute, I watched Charlotte's web with my little boy the other day and found myself cooing over the talking pig! Did I hear a tut from the die hard fiction fans, watching an adaptation of a film rather than reading the book!

No comments: