Monday, December 1, 2008

Tips and tricks for the lazy gardener

Tips and tricks for the lazy gardener

I used to be an avid gardener, but I found a better hobby. I have become a wannabe writer, tapping away on my computer, churning out short stories, poems and manuscripts of yet to be published novels. I relegated my garden to a bush until my neighbours threatened to evict me from the neighbourhood.

So I wrecked my brains and converted my garden with the tips and tricks for the lazy gardener. They worked for me, and you may find them helpful.

First, the best garden for a lazy gardener is one with least maintenance. Plan it so you minimise the area that needs attention.

Be prepared to spend some money. It is worth it because you will be able to devote your time to more productive and profitable activities like writing a book. Take some time to decide how to landscape your garden.

Widen your drive way, pave it with cement so it goes right to the fence and the edge of your house. Pave an extra car park on the pretext of buying a second car. Make a big patio at the back yard, and put down a couple of loungers. It is a good idea to soften the concrete background with wooden loungers. If you can afford it, cobble stone the paving.

Invite your neighbors for a barbecue so they won’t take offence of your newly created concrete jungle. Let them lie and relax on the lounger and give them a bottle of beer to cool their thirst. They will be forever obliged to you and will be too embarrassed to complain about you again.

Create a rock garden, go to the local nursery, and buy rocks of all shapes and sizes. Buy aloe veras, succulents and cacti. These plants require minimum attention. You don’t need to water them, and even if you went on a three months writers’ retreat, they will not die on you.

In another area, grow bulbs like tulips, daffodils, hyacinths, grape hyacinths, and crocus. In spring, you will have a sea of rainbow colors and you will be the pride of the street. This should warm the heart of your neighbors. The best thing about these bulb plants is you don’t have to worry about replanting. They hibernate in winter, and burst out alive in spring. They will grow and grow.

If you still have some areas where grass will grow, lined black plastic sheeting over them, and sprinkle wood chips thickly over the sheeting. This will make a clean walking surface, and you don’t have to mow the lawn again, ever.

So now, you have a well maintained, no fuss, no work, no weed, yet beautiful garden. Enjoy.

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