Thursday, September 26, 2019

a bereaved wish

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be said and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle him at an hour at a time.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.

abc letter M for musician

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

abc letter L for ladders

Letter L for ladders

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Some one was filming in the park, I conjecture the Japanese were filming for the rugby world cup. I stood quite far away to prevent the security guards from chasing me away.

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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

ABC Wed k for Kingsland.

Eden Park is New Zealand's largest sports stadium. Located in central Auckland, New Zealand's largest city, it is three kilometres southwest of the CBD, on the boundary between the suburbs of Mount Eden and Kingsland. Wikipedia

Rugby and cricket are played here.

They bring a lot of food for lunch and they always say, “Girl, come and have some of my lunch, you are too thin to play netball. I packed too much and I will otherwise have to eat them for dinner. If you go back to the islands, they won’t like it for being too thin.” When they return to the islands for holidays, bring me token gifts.
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I have not seem other photos taken at this angle,

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Friday, September 13, 2019

ABC Wed Letter J for jandal

In New Zealand, the jandal is a national icon. Jandals stands for Japanese sandals. In Germany, my friend H tells me it is known as flip flop. In USA, I believe it is also known as flip flops, in Australia, they call it thongs, in China and Taiwan, it is cool shoes, and in Singapore, and Malaysia , we call it Japanese slippers or just slippers.

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

my brush with cancer

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a recent post showed one in three New Zealanders will have cancer. A horrible statistics, and I became one of them. I am under the care of a new doctor, and she asked about my surgery and what it was for. I replied cancer, thyroid cancer.

It is one year since my surgery. The Cancer has not returned but I still have issues of not having a thyroid. I have Hypothyroidism, also called underactive thyroid or low thyroid, is a disorder of the endocrine system in which the thyroid gland does not produce enough thyroid hormone. Everyday, I have to take hormone pills.

Praise God I am still alive.

Monday, September 9, 2019

ABC Wednday letter I for iced cake,

I made this Red riding Hood basket for my daughter D for her 5 years old birthday. This cake was the hardest cake to make. Andrew died on 22 Nov, we buried him on the 25th, D's birthday was on the 8th. I did not want to do anything, but I couldn't disappoint her.
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Tuesday, September 3, 2019

abc wednesday letter I

I lose my son in 1989. It took me 21 years to write my book,  The diary of a bereaved mother. The book came out at the right time, when the bereaved mums group were looking for someone like me to be in their  It's OK to cry.